I don’t like to hold a lot of responsibility, I don’t like being in charge. I don’t like to lead the way, I don’t want to be the one holding responsibility, the one to answer questions, the one they point at if things go wrong, the one to co-ordinate, or the one who has ensure that everything is done the way it’s supposed to be done. I don’t have the confidence and strength to do that. I’m shy and I’m not someone who will initiate stuff.
I don’t mind helping out, or doing something someone wants me to do (as long as it can be done). I feel comfortable this way. It may feel like I depend on someone else. I know that’s not good. And no, I’m not trying to find the easy way out, but I just don’t like to step out of my comfort zone. I just feel comfortable knowing that there’s someone else who I can turn to if things go wrong, or who knows what they are doing. Also, I’m scared to try out new things. And when asked about leadership qualities, I would just elaborate on this little team I led at some little thing and slowly find a way out of that question.
But, in the last few months, I’ve found myself doing stuff, mostly work related, that I never dreamt I would do, frankly I’ve had to step out of my comfort zone, be a bit more responsible because I had no one else to depend on but myself. It’s been hard. I’ve had to work harder, think more and not push off things for another day. I’ve had to be strong.
Now, I have another task at hand, again, something which involves a lot of work, which is tough, and for which I need a lot of confidence. I need to take things to my own hands. I would have to talk to people, get them to do stuff, encourage them and keep the whole thing going. And I just don’t want to do this.
– I know this post is a bit weird. Just a random rant.