For several months now, I have been wanting to do this thing. Actually, quite a lot of things. However, all these involve a good degree of risks, failure and stepping out of that comfort zone. I’m scared to take risks, I don’t think I’m up for it. In fact, I’m scared of failing, of facing criticism, of having to make my own decisions that may or may not yield the best results. I have never done thing kind of thing. But, I really, really want to do this. Well, sometimes I do, I plan, I think of what might happen IF I actually set about doing these things I have in mind.
But then, since of late, I’ve begun to wonder if it’s fear, or pure laziness. See, like to put off things, take the easy way out. I’m lazy to even try, I think. Coz, there’s nothing like trying, right? If you fail, well, this world if full of possibilities, yeah? And besides, you read about all these great men and women, who try and try, take risks, face so many hardships, people criticize them, but they come out of as victors. You don’t get everything you want in life. You just have to work hard, sometimes, and learn as you go along.
Then, again I worry. If I fail, am I letting down others? For example, say, this is not what they hoped you would do. This is not why they spend so much on you, to help you study and then you just go and throw it all away?
But, I really am interested in doing this thing. Maybe later. But then, haiyo, I’ll be too old for it, or it might be old-fashioned then, or somebody else would have looked into it then…
In other news,
I was told that I am mad. Not that this is anything new. But, apparently, I “missed out on an opportunity”. Let’s just say I had the chance to go to this place a lot of people would have wanted to go – no, it’s nothing like Jaffna, or the East, or USA. But, it’s something very popular and err…respected and thought a big deal. It’s not some where you usually get to go to that easily.
Anyway, I had better things to do, and that’s why I said ‘no’ to that. Besides, I REALLY WASN’T THAT EXCITED ABOUT IT anyway. And when people told me it’s a big deal, I was like, ‘whaaaaat….but it didn’t seem to me that it was a big deal.’ And no, I don’t have any regrets about it either. But, it did prompt me to figure out if I was mad or not. Hey, I don’t think straight like a lot of others do?
But then, my lovely friends told me, I have always been a wee-bit insane, and that it was alright that I did what I wanted to do.
So, I just came up with something err…motivational. It goes like this, ‘I don’t think like the world does, and the world doesn’t think like I do. But, we’ve got to get on with each other, unfortunately. Pomp and pageantry does not impress me much, but my little world does.’
I know this post is really weird, but this is one way I am really able to get my thoughts out.